Full Moon in Sagittarius

The key word for the astrological sign of Sagittarius is "independence". Sagittarius is the sign of the philosopher and the explorer. The main challenge for Sagittarius however is emotional intelligence. Sagittarius struggles to connect on an emotional level with others, to be emotionally intimate with others as well as their own heart. For this reason, the energy of Sagittarius can seem aloof or distant, always on the move and never wanting to settle down, abrupt and often tactless. The strength of Sagittarius is a fearless drive to explore and to treat life as a great adventure. 

The tarot card that I pulled for this full moon was The Hermit. Here we see the independent nature of Sagittarius as they embark upon their spiritual journey. A fearless adventurer, the solitary mystic holds a fiery lamp to light the way. What this tells me is that the full moon in Sagittarius is an important time to travel inward and reconnect with the fire therein. Spend some time alone, take time out to ground and centre yourself. Life may be a rollercoaster adventure of ups and downs, but there is a stillness within which gives you the strength to go on. 

I know this is what I need right now, I have been so utterly exhausted over the past few weeks. I desperately feel the need to take a break, to be alone, to just chill out and reconnect with my centre. I am experiencing a massive challenge, and it's interesting that this challenge has cropped up at the time of my Witchiversary. It's like the Universe has decided that this is the perfect time for me to go through a powerful transformation, to become stronger and wiser through the pain. 

If you didn't know already, my boyfriend, who I have been living with for over a year, has Bipolar Schizoaffective Disorder. What this means is that he is prone to manic episodes of psychosis which last at least two weeks. My boyfriend is currently experiencing a manic episode, which has been going on for over a month now. His last episode was five years ago and lasted three months. I am looking at the possibility that this one could be just as long, but I'm hoping it will be shorter. He is staying at a psychiatric hospital for treatment. We have had a bit of a rough time because we had to get him arrested by the police in order to admit him to the hospital in the first place. One week later, the doctors decide he's ready to come home, with a supply of emergency medication in case he needs it. This did not go well. We had to take him back to the hospital. Perhaps the biggest problem with his mania is that he experiences many delusions, such as the idea that cannabis will help him. A lot of people look at cannabis like a cure-all miracle plant, but it has very unfortunate effects on people with this type of mental illness. His psychosis tells him that cannabis will calm him down, but the doctors will tell you this is not the case at all. I have seen it very clearly for myself, that literally minutes after smoking cannabis, his paranoid delusions will escalate. He becomes increasingly unwell, experiencing hallucinations which become impossible to discern from the real world. I'm sure you can imagine how frightening this is for everyone. It is horrible to see him so unwell as he becomes very distressed. At his worst point, he couldn't even tell who I was. I'm sitting there calmly trying to assure him that it's me, but he sees the face of a monster. Can you imagine that situation? It was terrifying. 

This has been a very painful experience for all involved. I hate knowing how much he is suffering, and I hate being afraid of my own boyfriend because I don't know what he could be capable of when he is unwell. I am scared for both his safety and my own. I feel like the Universe is asking me, are you a mouse or are you a witch? Are you going to step up to your power, or are you going to shrink away? I am blessed to find that I am supported on all sides by friends and family. Thank you, thank you so much. I need all the strength I can get right now!

I drew an oracle card to accompany my tarot reading. The card was called Autumn Splendour. This card says that now is time to recognise how far you have come, and to celebrate all that you have achieved! Now it is time to reap the rewards of all the hard work I have put into personal development over the years. The Universe says "Look at you! Look how far you've come!" and reminds me, "You can do it. You've made it this far. You got this."

Annika